I wrestled for weeks and months with whether I would begin serious blogging. In fact, I put this blog together months ago, and I’m only just now publishing. I will tell you why. I want to be great. Years ago, the band Calloway sang: “I wanna be rich.” I can’t relate. Seriously. I don’t want to be rich, but I do want to be great.
Snow White’s wicked witch wanted to be good looking. Not me. I could care less about whether I am the “fairest of them all.” I rarely even bother looking at a mirror (probably obvious to people who see me often)! I don’t want to look good, but I do want to be great.
Put another way, I want to be “discovered.” If there had been an “American Idol” for public speakers, I would have been the first in line to audition. I want to be discovered. I have felt the pull of this for most of my life.
Years ago, as a pastor, I did a teaching that I thought was amazing (read: “It would really help a lot of people!”) So, I submitted it to an organization that distributed top-quality teachings, and then I waited by the phone. It never rang. That’s embarrassing—not that I didn’t get a call back…but that I contacted them at all. It wasn’t about helping people. It was a sad attempt to get a pastor in a corner of Massachusetts “discovered.”
If there is any consolation at all, I am quite sure I am not the only one. Particularly encouraging: most of Jesus’ best friends had the same obsession. One day, walking with his friends, Jesus asked what they had been arguing about earlier on the trip. Silence. Awkward silence. I love the Bible’s honest explanation: they had been arguing about which of them was the greatest.
Peter wanted to be great. John wanted to be great. Judas wanted to be great. Andrew wanted to be great. Stand in line, guys.
“So you want to be great, Peter…John…Andrew…Roger?” Jesus asks. ““If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” (The Bible, Mark 9:35, NIV) If you want to be great, become obsessed with serving. Stop trying to make a name for yourself, and build your life around blessing others.
I’m working at doing just that, which is why I am hesitantly stepping out to blog. Here and there I’m learning some stuff (usually the hard way) that might be helpful for my kids or someone else. As long as my blogging is about serving others, I’m good with it. If it becomes another attempt for Roger to be “discovered,” I’m shutting it down.
I’ll go a step further. If you as a reader sense I am drifting toward “discovery” rather than serving, send me a note and call me on it. Help keep a rambling man a humble man.